...but you doesn't have to call me Johnson.

If you call me Joe, you are about as exclusive as the sunrise.
If you call me Joz, you are ladyrednose.
If you call me JOES, you are locknestra.
If you call me Ryuujin-sama, you are banditprincess.
If you call me Sunshine Joe, you are lynnita.
If you call me Hubby, you are aggieteacher00.
If you call me Joebear, you are either Hilary* or aggieteacher00.
If you call me Walking Texas Turtle Man, you are turtleturtle.
If you call me Joeypants, you are gypsyjr.
If you call me "Josephus, the boy from Tallahassee"**, you are my grandfather*.
If you call me Shadrach, you are my mother, and would you please stop?
If you call me "Leslie Joe", you are my mother, and you are angry at me.
If you call me Skipper and sound like Gilligan when you do it, you are John Wolf.
If you call me "the junior member of 'Bishop and Company'", you are Jack Bishop.
If you call me Occupant, you are junk mail.
If you call me late to dinner, you are in trouble.

*and you will have a lot of 'splainin' to do, since you're dead.

**I am not from Tallahassee. I have never been to Tallahassee.