A major symphony orchestra was on tour when the conductor suddenly became terribly ill right before a performance. The personnel manager asked if anyone was familiar with the scores, and to his surprise, the next-to-last-chair violist raised his hand and said he'd studied them at Juilliard.

The next-to-last-chair violist conducted the next twelve concerts in four cities. Eventually the conductor recovered and returned to his duties, whereupon the next-to-last-chair violist went back to his section.

His stand partner looked at him and asked, "Where the hell have YOU been?"